Laisser Tomber La Pluie
by Ignis et Ventus
Summary: The protector of justice has been dealt many blows in her sixteen years. When Serena loses the most important person in her life, will she still be the same senshi?
1. Fade Out

_Well, I have returned with a new fic, this time set in the Sailor Moon universe. I got this idea a long time ago but I wanted to finish my other stories before writing it. Unfortunately, this plot bunny just won't seem to leave me alone. This story should not be more than a few chapters long. Anyways, I hope you enjoy it and review, thank you._

_Ventus_

_Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor moon nor Street Spirit by Radiohead. If I did, I would be currently sipping pina coladas at the beach in the Bahamas...Damn Canadian winter..._

_Laisser Tomber La Pluie_

_Chapter 1: Fade Out_

"_Dear God no...no...why?"_

_Tears fell from cerulean eyes and pale fists clenched and repeatedly hit a wall violently. A middle-aged blond woman fiercely hugged a silver-blonde from behind._

"_Serena...please stop...please..."_

_The woman sobbed as she clutched unto her daughter who suddenly slumped in defeat and let her head fall against the wall. She took a deep breath and turned around, returning her mother's embrace. After a few moments, she pulled away and glistening blue eyes met wet brown ones. _

"_Mom, where is dad?"_

_A dark look spread on the woman's face before it disappeared completely. Serena blinked to make sure she wasn't imagining it. Her mother looked away for an instant in shame before returning her gaze to her strong daughter. _

"_Serena, sweetie, he's…he's at work. He's gonna try to make it here as soon as he can"._

_Blue eyes widened in surprise and fury, the girl's face darkening in shame. She pushed away from her mother and started pacing, breathing deeply to calm her obvious rage. Eventually, she turned around, her gaze icy, and spoke in a deathly calm voice._

"_You mean to tell me, mother, that my little brother is currently in the OR fighting for his life while your husband is off gallivanting with his secretary and, like usual, you completely subservient to him?"_

_Chocolate orbs filled with tears as the other woman's head bent down in shame. The woman's hands flew to her daughter and she clutched her arms tightly._

"_I'm sorry, Serena. I'm so sorry. I'm weak, so terribly weak…Oh, God! What must you think of me?"_

_The silver-blonde turned away from her mother and sat on one of the uncomfortable plastic chairs that lined the halls of the hospital. She looked up at her mother and smiled sardonically. _

"_You know what's the worst of it all? It's that you don't care. As long as all of your friends think that you're living a perfect life and that they all admire you, you don't give a shit! You're so selfish that you don't even bother to ask what we feel about it all. You were so worried about yourself that you didn't even notice Sammy becoming more and more withdrawn and sad. You didn't even know that he went to me every night, feeling guilty because he thought he had done something to deserve your neglect. You may be feeling remorse now, but it's too late, much too late. I'll be strong and pretend everything is alright for Sammy's sake but you should know that it will take much more than sorry to earn my forgiveness."_

_The woman's eyes were wide in horror as tears of shame trickled down her face and caught on the hand that she had plastered against her mouth. Her shoulders shook as sobs wracked her tall frame. Her knees let out from under her as she fell into a chair, her head supported by both of her hands. Suddenly, a doctor approached them and Serena jumped up._

"_Miss Tsukino?"_

_Though his face showed nothing, she could see it in his eyes, the desperation of another loss. A single tear fell down her right cheek as she suddenly felt numb. Sympathy shone on the man's face as he clenched the tablet in his hands harder. He looked down at the floor._

"_He's awake right now. You can go see him"._

_The blonde nodded slightly and caught the doctor's eyes._

"_How long?"_

_She saw the pain in his eyes and could feel the wince he was preventing. He averted his eyes once more._

"_If he's lucky, he has till' morning". _

_Her fists clenched and she looked down at the floor. Her eyes stung with tears and she could feel her already fragile heart breaking irreparably. She murmured a soft "thank you" to the doctor who nodded and left to tend to someone else. _

"_Mom"_

_Her mother looked up at her, her eyes red and swollen with sorrow and desperation. _

"_Go see Sammy first, but wash your face before. He doesn't need to see us like this, not now. When you're done, I'll go in and you can call father. I'm not talking to him"._

_Her mother nodded and hurried to the bathroom where she splashed her face to lessen the redness before nearly running to her son's room._

_Serena didn't feel the time pass as she blankly stared at the other people in the waiting room. She could still remember the panic she felt when she answered the phone to hear the hospital telling her that her brother had been in a car accident. The man that had run him over was fine, the car having stopped before he could crash into anything else. Sammy, though, had been immediately transported to the ER where they tried everything they could to save him. Apparently, everything wasn't enough. _

_Eventually, she felt her mother's hand on her shoulder and turned around to find her clenching together her trembling fingers. Serena gulped and stood up slowly before walking towards the door that stood between her and the person she cared the most about._

_She stopped in front of it and took a deep breath before entering. Her little brother was sitting up and turned around, his eyes brightening when he saw her._

"_Serena"_

_The blonde smiled as her heart clenched at the sight of her precious little brother looking so fragile, covered in bandages and tubes sticking out of him while he laid on the too big bed. His skin was pale and he was covered in bruises. She sat on the chair at his bedside and held his hand, dropping a kiss against his knuckles. Big brown eyes met hers._

"_Sere, where is dad?"_

_The blonde opened her mouth to answer when the little boy sent her a pleading look and shook his head._

"_Please, tell me the truth, mom wouldn't answer. She kept avoiding all of my questions."_

_Blue eyes closed and the blonde took a deep breath before looking into her brother's eyes._

"_Sammy…he…he didn't come"._

_The boy looked away and his gaze was caught on the open window._

"_Oh…"_

_Serena's eyes filled with tears and she clutched his hand desperately._

"_Sammy, it isn't your fault! He's just…he doesn't deserve you!"_

_He simply nodded and kept his gaze on the hospital gardens. Right then, he looked so mature and adult, that Serena felt strangely insufficient. She was afraid of interrupting the simple moment._

"_Serena…am I going to die?"_

_Suddenly, Serena felt her breath catch in her throat and her heart clenched._

"_Sammy…"_

_Brown eyes met hers and she, once again, saw that incredible, serene maturity in his orbs. She breathed deeply and nodded, tears gathering in her eyes._

"_I…I…yes…the doctors say that your internal organs were damaged beyond repair…" her voice broke "they…they say you have till' morning"._

_The boy's hands clenched around his sheets and his teary eyes stared at them blankly._

"_Oh…"_

_Serena held both his hands in hers and leant her forehead against his. Chocolate orbs met cerulean and the two children finally released the hold on their tears. They cried until they had no more tears to shed, and then finally spoke again. _

"_I…I don't wanna die, Serena"._

_Serena held him tighter._

"_I don't want you to die, Sammy"._

_The boy trembled slightly in his sister's arms._

"_Is there something I'm supposed to do now? Are there some sort of protocols that I have to follow? Should I forgive everyone who has ever hurt me, or say something really wise?"_

_His voice was unsteady and his eyes pleaded for his sister to deliver him from his endless confusion. The blonde shook her head and her voice was but a whisper as she spoke._

"_I don't know, Sammy, I don't know"._

_Sammy buried his head in his sister's neck and hugged her tightly._

"_Serena, I'm scared…" he whispered._

_Her arms tightened around him._

"_I know…I know…"_

_He shivered in her embrace and pleaded._

"_Don't let me go yet"._

_She leaned her head against his shoulder and spoke._

"_I won't Sammy, I promise. I won't let you go"._

_They spent the rest of the night like that. Eventually, their mother returned, looking stressed, exhausted and angry and sadly explained that their father was out of town and was trying his best to reach them as soon as he could. She did not say it but they all understood, their father was not going to make it in time to say goodbye, a final goodbye to his only son. She went out of the room a few times during the night as she lost to her emotions and did not want Sammy to see her in her desperate and hysterical state. Serena spent the whole night cheering Sammy up with stories of their childhood. She ignored Luna's calls on her communicator and turned off her phone. She knew there were no attacks as she could not feel the presence of any youma. _

_As the night progressed, Sammy's health was steadily declining, until, near dawn, he started to feel the life slipping between his fingers. Both his mother and dear sister were in the middle of retelling a humorous anecdote on the first time he had walked when he felt the first spasm. He grabbed his sister's hand, who was sitting on the hospital bed with him. She turned towards him curiously. All she needed was a look to understand. Pure sorrow filled her eyes but Sammy could also something softer deep in the blue orbs: the beginning of acceptance. He was glad to have had the chance to say goodbye before… _

_Serena turned towards her mother to see her sad gaze already on her son's face. Tears were softly cascading down her face. She tenderly cupped one of his cheeks and kissed him on his forehead, lingering a moment more than usual. _

"_God…I can't believe I'm the one saying goodbye to you. I was supposed to leave before you, not the other way around." She shook her head. "It doesn't matter, not anymore. I just wish I would have been there more often…I made so many mistakes…Oh, my beautiful boy, I love you so much and I am so very proud of you and of the man you have become…"_

_Sammy was awestruck by her softly spoken speech._

"_Mom…I…I love you too…and it's okay. None of that matters anymore. Just, just promise me to take care of Serena and to be happy, even if it means leaving dad. Make it my last wish…I don't want you to be lonely anymore…"_

_She hugged him tightly and kissed his hands, sobbing silently._

"_I promise, I love you so much, my son…"_

_He then turned towards Serena who was looking at him adoringly, teary-eyed._

_She took his hands in her own and stroked them softly._

"_I…I can't…I won't put into words the amount of sheer gratefulness and love I feel towards you but I will say this: You are the very person I care about most in this world and the ones beyond and, though we've bickered a lot before, the extent of our fraternal bond is limitless. I cannot begin to understand how someone as perfect as you can possibly deserve death but one thing is sure Samuel Tsukino, and that is that I love you more than any sister has loved her brother in the history of out universe". _

_He chuckled while tears fell from his eyes and softly caressed his sister's cheek._

"_Sere…"_

_He started panting, his breath heavy and his voice shaky._

"_I…I want you to promise that you're going to live your own life from now on"._

_He weakly shook his head._

"_Don't let anyone tell you what to think or how to feel. For all my life, I…I admired you and loved you. You made sleepless, nightmare filled nights enjoyable and you made me realize that sometimes it's okay to be scared. Don't let anyone ever tell you you're not good enough because you have been my light during my darkest hours and, if only for that, you are the most special person in my world. I want you to be happy…truly happy and to find someone that deserves you-"_

_Coughs wracked his tiny frame but he kept his hold on his sister whose own tears fell down her cheeks to lands on his._

_She whispered "I love you Sammy"._

_He smiled. "I love you too…don't ever forget me…"_

_She shook her head with a small smile and wept._

"_Never…I promise…I'll live for you Sammy…I'll live for both of us"_

_His smile widened slightly and she could see serenity drowning the pain in his eyes. He squeezed her hand._

"_Goodbye Serena…"_

_She was sobbing by now but she still pressed on his forehead and whispered "goodbye Sammy" against his skin._

_And as she stayed in her position, she felt his eyelashes flutter as he closed his eyes and his body became slack as his breath softly left his body._

_She whispered "I promise" again before she was gently asked to get off from the bed as the doctor took his vitals for one final time. _

_Serena felt numb as the rest of the night passed with her sitting blankly next to her mother while she filled endless forms. Her father arrived early in the morning, but Serena felt too drained and cold to be angry at him. He allowed himself a short time of grievance before helping her mother with the paperwork. Their insurance contacted them sometime during the morning and informed them that the driver had signed his confession at the police station and was claiming responsibility for everything. Though the now family of three was enraged at the man who had fallen asleep at the wheel, they could not help but feel relief at the fact that he had admitted his crime. They were too tired for the extraordinarily long process of hearings and court and everything seemed so insignificant and useless now that Sammy was gone. _

_Eventually, they left the hospital and returned home where, though she tried, Serena could not sleep. Finally, she got up and tried to distract herself from her dark thoughts. She did not want to hear her parents discussing the funeral arrangements in the living room. She could not bear seeing anyone else and explaining everything to them. But most of all, she could not stand lying in her bed and staring at the ceiling anymore. She walked down the hall and her breath got caught in her throat as she stopped in front of a door. She smiled sadly as she saw the various warnings stuck on it. Her hand trembled as she grabbed the doorknob and slowly pushed the door open. _

_The curtains were pulled away and sunlight filtered through the single window of the room, illuminating its messy state. Loud posters screamed their messages on every wall, a messy bed was nearly completely covered by haphazardly thrown clothing and the hardwood floor was tiled with comic books. On a bedside table, a slim, black I-pod rested. Serena smiled as she remembered the pure joy on her brother's face as she gifted him with what would become his most precious possession. He always wanted to share his obsession with her but she had never felt an appreciation towards music. She slowly sat down on the bed and grabbed the music player. She slipped the headphones on and turned the device on. As music began to fill her ears, she let herself fall back on the bed and lost herself to the extremely sorrowful crooning of Thom York, tears falling from her eyes as she felt the complete desperation of the song. It would become the very first song in a list of many that would comfort her in her most solitary moments and, eventually, change her._

_Okay, well that was the first chapter. Please review and tell me what you liked and disliked and I will try to include your propositions in the next chapter._


	2. Rain

Disclaimer: I don't own anything, yadda yadda yadda...

Chapter 2: Rain

«Do you see anything that you like?»

She looked around before returning to scowling at the linoleum floor.

«No...I don't know...it doesn't matter...»

A mouth opened as if to let words escape before resignedly snapping shut. It's owner breathed sharply before it opened once more.

«Please Serena, just pick something out...anything...»

The girl's eyes shot upwards, retort on her lips before catching sight of the exhausted look on her mother's weary face. She let out a low sigh and trudged towards the rows of similar looking dresses. Dull blues eyes took in the various pieces before finally settling on a random one. She grabbed the thick black dress and checked the size before bringing it to the cash where her mother was waiting patiently.

The bubbly cashier greeted them with a grin before commenting on their purchase.

«That's really nice! It'll look great on you! Is it for a special occasion?»

Upon getting no response, she looked up into the stony faces of her two blond costumers and frowned, quickly ringing up their sale and bagging the dress. As she watched the women leave the store, bag in hand, she muttered under her breath.

«God I hate snobby customers!»¸

Little did she know, the special occasion they were attending was the furthest thing from the one she had imagined upon meeting them.

The car ride home was done in silence like most of their activities in the previous days. Serena stared out at the streets as they drove along a way she knew by heart. Strangely enough, everything suddenly seemed new to her, darker and duller. She felt like she was watching an old photograph, faded from use, its colours drawn out to shades and its surface wrinkled. Every path, every store carved in her memory like precious stones seemed to change to fit her new, darker outlook on life. She shook her head and brought a hand to her forehead, she knew nothing in the town had changed; only she had.

She brought her hand down to fiddle with the radio tuner, hoping her new appreciation for music would distract her from her maddening thoughts. She was losing hope when she finally fell onto what seemed to be the beginning of a song. The soft thrumming of guitar strings filled the small car followed by a low, haunting voice singing softly. Curiosity aroused, she leaned back against her seat and listened intently to the lyrics that seemed to burrow deep into her soul. Tears gathered in her eyes and her breath caught as she heard the voice rise and belt out a shaking:

«Love is not a victory march, it's a cold and it's a broken Hallelujah...»

She closed her eyes and listened to the rest of the song, each breathy word penetrating her as her heart clenched painfully.

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The sound of rain droplets hitting the car windows filled her ears as she watched the deserted streets pass by. She snorted inwardly at the irony of the strangely fitting climate for the occasion and caught herself before a hysterical laugh escaped from her tightly pursed lips. Too soon, the car came to a stop and her door was wrenched open, her mother awaiting her, black umbrella in hand as a feeble protection from the torrential rain that fell from the sky. Dozens of ashen faces were turned towards their little family, sympathy drawn over every sad feature of their onlookers. Her father swept her mother away, one hand cast carefully on her back and Serena tightly grasped the hooked handle that was given to her as she followed her parents to the grouping in front of her.

Her eyes passed over the sea of umbrellas before continuing upwards until her vision was filled with dark, cloudy grey. She smiled sardonically and quietly strode forward to the sad proceedings, form hunched over with grief. She barely took notice of the multitude of people who had joined the ceremony but the group of girls huddled together, shooting her sympathetic looks caught her attention for a brief moment before their presence faded into the unbidden corners of her mind along with the rest of the attendants. She felt the slightest surprise when she saw him, stoic as always, standing tall in his dark suit, his black umbrella shading his face. She shouldn't have been, really, but the sight of him barely a few feet away from her after weeks of separation had shot a jolt through her heart. She let her gaze linger an instant longer before shoving all of her emotions away to be contemplated at a later date. For now, her thoughts would be for no one but her younger brother and they would remain so until the raw ache in her soul would be soothed.

Her mother firmly grasped her arm as the priest finally started the customary ritual and she resolutely kept her eyes on the dark, varnished wooden coffin that would lodge her brother forevermore. Time passed fleetingly and soon the priest had stopped chanting and indicated to those who wished to speak that it was the correct time. Footsteps made their way onto the wet grass until they stopped at the spot where the priest was previously standing. Serena drew her gaze to the speaker and got caught in hazel eyes, lined with dark shadows. The two teenagers shared a long glance, speaking silently through a bond no one else would understand. Finally, the youth at the front of the group shot a small, sad smile at the blonde that was shakingly returned before settling a dark boombox on the ground. He drew a long breath, eyes shut in recollection before finally speaking.

«Sam loved this song...I thought it would be fitting.»

He then pressed play and let the music tell the words that were lodged in his throat.

Serena listened intently, the barest of smiles making its way onto her lips as the velvety female voice brought back memories of times long gone.

A smoothly sung sentence struck in its resonance and plastered itself into her mind, bringing tears into her eyes but keeping the smile on her lips.

«Ain't no sunshine when he's gone...»

She shot a grateful look towards her brother's best friend and was given a slight shrug in return. Everyone remained silent during the duration of the song, thankfully understanding the sanctity of the almost peaceful moment.

Serena lingered silently in the same spot long after people started trickling away to their homes. Somewhere in the recesses of her conscience, she felt grateful to the girls for not having approached her and to Him for having kept his distance. She stayed standing in her spot until two small arms surrounded her and her mother breathed a soft «let's got home» against her back.

As they drove back to the house, she traced the raindrops streaking across her window and let a matching tear make its way down her cheek, her arms wrapping around her shivering form in a parody of a hug.

«...it's not warm when he's away.»

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